Beginner’s Guide to Healing for the Adult Child of an Alcoholic. Were you affected by your parent’s drinking when you were growing up? Being the child of an alcoholic affects how you think and live today as an adult – all these years later. I found this very hard to accept, but I did. That was when I finally realized I needed to work on myself - in my late 20’s and early 30’s - as life was not turning out how I wanted it to, considering the effort I was putting in to it. Back then I thought that, since I had gotten away from them that I would be fine, and not affected anymore. If you have come to feel that your parent’s alcoholism has affected you now that you are in adulthood, do you know what to do to begin to heal and get over the past? Maybe in the past you thought you did not have the time to look at this issue, but as you have gotten a bit older you realize something maybe that I did too. Life is not turning out as you had envisaged it would. And if that is so, what…

What is Co-dependency? Am I in this relationship dance? Co-dependency has been described as the relationship dance between two people where one is the FIXER/PLEASER and the other person is the TAKER or NARCISSISST. Or, it can be referred to as the disease to please others. If you are co-dependent you will have a strong desire to please others. You will maintain relationships that are one-sided (you more than likely will be on the losing end) that are destructive and abusive. Low Self-esteem is a hallmark of co-dependency where we look outside of ourselves to feel better. You will feel good by being needed by others. So, for example, you will find pleasure from the act of co-dependency, addicted to helping needy and sick folks, in the same way the addict will experience from using or drinking. Another key hallmarks (I have found), of co-dependent behaviour, is lowering your standards to either stay in a relationship with an addicted person or family member. Co-dependents mood alter through rescuing, control, work, shopping and chaotic love relationships. Co-dependants have little or no boundaries. Instead, they can immerse themselves into their relationships; creating a pathological and compulsive dynamic with folks they are trying…

New Year in the Household of Untreated Addiction. The Emotional Hangover, here’s what I mean. Christmas and New Year is now over for another year. How are things in the treated house of untreated addiction? Well from my experience, there will be some members nursing a hangover and the other members of the family, whilst not nursing a hangover will be dealing with the fall out, the emotional hangover. What do I mean by this? If you are suffering from an emotional hangover, you may feel exhausted right now. Like you are trudging through sludge, and carrying an invisible weight, despite, e.g, not drinking or drinking excessively. Maybe you recognise that you are feeling like this, maybe you don’t. Possibly you don’t understand why. You can’t put your finger on it, so to speak. Shouldn’t time around your family leave you feeling good and uplifted, not exhausted and feeling depressed? This time of year, should be a happy and exciting time for families where we look forward to spending time together. We may even make the extra effort to get along with some members. But in the untreated house of addiction it means, people pleasing, stuffing feelings and feeling numb…

Hello Ladies, How are you doing? Christmas time, in the house of untreated Addiction. Here’s the lie. The 12 Days of Christmas should be a time of happiness and fun, but it can be a hellish time in the house of untreated Addiction. My childhood Christmas’s were not the happiest memories I have; today is different. This is after a life time of working on myself to recover from growing up in the house of untreated addiction. Today, Christmas is a quiet time, a time of happiness and joy with my other half in our house of no addiction. Around this time of year, if you are living in the house of untreated addiction, or have lived in this house, you will KNOW what I mean when I say, you want it to be good, you want it be loving and you want it to be happy, BUT you KNOW that you will probably be disappointed. I love listening to Christmas Songs at this time of year, my favourite one is mentioned below. I believe in Father Christmas by Greg Lake. I invite you to listen to and look at the lyrics. It reminds me of the lie, we are…

The 12 Days of Christmas should be a time of happiness and fun, but it can be a hellish time in the house of untreated Addiction. Lots has gone on this year. Will 2020 ever be forgotten? You don’t need me to tell you this. You KNOW this. Christmas for many, can be a time of happiness and joy, where families come together to celebrate this time of year. If this resonates, you KNOW how this feels. But for some, Christmas can be a time of dread and anxiety being around family members who are addicted, with no hope of a reprieve. If this is you, you will KNOW how this feels. Possibly this year, with the pandemic and now with tighter restrictions, things may feel even worse than ever. For all those members in the house of untreated addiction, who might be suffering in silence, IF this is you, I am here to tell you, you are not alone. I grew up in this type of household. Untreated addiction nearly destroyed my mind and my life. I don’t mean me, I am not an addict, but I am related to many who are. And they want to stay that…

With the country in lockdown, I was determined that my time during this period would not be in vain. I had a number of plans for 2020 and as most were now shelved, I had taken to networking virtually and taking some online courses to utilise my time. My first training session was with Bettina Siddiqi, a LinkedIn Specialist, who helps clients to grow their business on line. There, I gained valuable insights and I also met Evie, a Nutritional Therapist that specialized in gut health. I had heard this term banded about well before the coronavirus, had always wanted to know more, but never had the time. Now that the virus was literally in the air, and as I could potentially get infected at any time, my desire to ensure my immune system was strong, so I signed up for Evie’s “Immune Support workshop” I needed to keep strong, not just mentally but physically in lockdown. Originally, I had thought that Gut health was just about eating well. However, after Evie’s online workshop I learned more that will stay with me forever. Here’s what stuck out for me: Lemons - there is a about 31mg of Vitamin C in…

Further to my first blog re Testing times, please see below my suggestions for Coping with Change. Apart from eating as well as possible and taking some exercise, my suggestions could be summed up in three words. Support and emotional hygiene. Find support from family or friends. If family are driving us mad, speak to a friend or chat virtually. I have learned Zoom in the last week, and on this platform, I have spoken to more people and neighbors than I have previously done so for months. I also feel that it is very important to take care of our emotions daily, (emotional hygiene) like we would care for our bodies. To understand how we are feeling and to express these feelings appropriately, is the key. This enables us to be in a position to move on in a good way. To look after our minds, we can mediate or just take time to reflect on our day. What were the highs and lows? We could also consider keeping a journal to track our feelings, which can let us blow off steam! I personally have done this every week for years and found it enormously useful. We could also…

My book club met on Zoom earlier this month. Afterwards I felt compelled to set up a blog and write. Being relatively new to this group, I don’t know these ladies very well. However, after our book discussion, we discussed the lockdown and its impact on our lives. What lingered with me after the call was that despite our different individual circumstances, the lockdown was impacting everyone’s life and not all in positive ways. In these last two/three short weeks, I have learned that it’s not just business that are affected by the lockdown, but communities, families and the individual. We all are. I was certainly feeling the impact as overnight, my ‘new normal’ was a husband working from home, no home/office, and I had been furloughed from my part-time job. On top of these changes, I recognized that I was suffering much fear and anxiety due to the virus itself. This was raising a number of questions like; will I catch it? And if I do will I be very ill? Are there enough ventilators if I need one? Will my close relationships survive this pandemic? When these thoughts bubble to the surface, I can draw on my own…